Waaaayyy back when I was in second grade (long before my nose was the impressively prodigious specimen that it is today), I was a very big fan of, amongst other things, King Arthur stories (thanks to Gwen Gross’s Knights of the Round Table) and cartoons (from the slapstick of Looney Tunes to the mythology of Gummi Bears to the action and occasionally serialized adventures of G.I. Joe). Against that backdrop, we were asked to write and illustrate books (perhaps, given our tender ages, that should be “write and illustrate” “books”) as part of a young author’s competition. Combining two of my great loves at the time (I didn’t find a way to work in Ghostbusters, dinosaurs, or Kraft macaroni and cheese, sadly), I created Cheesecalibur, a spin on Arthurian lore featuring heroic mice, led by the noble King Cheese, and nefarious cats, led by the devious King Cat.
I could tell you about how amazingly great it was…or I can just show you. Let’s do that.
Clearly, neither penmanship nor spelling were strong suits of mine back then. I’ve rectified the latter, but the former remains a problem.
And before we go any further, I should note that my imagination was a wee bit stronger than my drawing skills at that stage of life (and they haven’t gotten any better).
Well then. It would appear that a keen
understanding of anatomy was also not a strong suit either. Turns out 8-year-old-me was kind of a moron (see, for example, the redundancy in naming two characters “Cheese”—though this is by no means my most egregious naming faux pas, as you’ll soon see).
A couple of highlights to point out on page 1: all of the mice have their initials on their chests (because why wouldn’t a knight want monogrammed armor?), and in case we weren’t sure that the mice were on the side of truth and justice, the very helpful flag in the background tells us they are “good.”
This is a pretty smiley bunch of evildoers (seeing as how the flag in the background here tells us the cats are “bad”). Please note that while I was something of an idiot as an 8-year-old, “Sir Clean Out the Refrigerator” is a pretty superb name. Good job, me.
Whoa boy. Apparently, Gumby is playing the role of King Cat in this production of Cheesecalibur. I think his arm is at least 1.5 times longer than his body. (Camelot Shadow fans will appreciate King Cheese’s belt.)
Those are some talented little mouse knights. Also, keep an eye on Sir Clean Out the Refrigerator—that guy’s going to steal the show.
I have absolutely no idea what Sir Clean Out the Refrigerator is doing to King Cheese (maybe he’s Febreezing him?). Please note, however, that the cats were smart enough to put King Cheese’s and Sir Tail’s weapons sufficiently far enough from their cage that they won’t be able to reach them with their T-Rex-style arms.
Okay, here’s where we need to remember that I was 8 years old. Let’s walk through 8-year-old-me’s thought process on this page. “Hmmm…we need a great hero to rescue King Cheese and Sir Tail. And he needs to make a dramatic entrance. Gosh, I’ve used up all of the good mouse names I can think of…maybe I should name this one after a specific type of cheese. What’s a funny cheese? Ooh, Swiss cheese! It has all of those silly holes! That’s perfect! I’ll name him…SIR HOLE!” (Why not Sir Swiss, you ask? As noted previously, I was not an intelligent child.)
As for why he appears in a blinding flash of light and why Sir Tail appears to have intimate knowledge of Hole before he appears…well, I’ll leave that up to you, dear reader, to decide.
Apparently, the cats are about as smart as 8-year-old Sean.
What action! What drama! What a set-up for…
Funniest thing I’ll ever write. I hit my comedic peak at age 8. It’s been downhill ever since.
That King Cheese drawing is pretty good, if I do say so myself (and I do)—what a heroic and noble leader! That said…what the $%@# is going on with Sir Hole’s arms?! It’s like a mouse and a gerbil procreated.
Dialogue that was cut from this scene:
Sir Tail: “$%@# this artist--how the bloody $%@# am I supposed to reach my drink with these stumps?!”
King Cheese: “I can’t believe that jackanapes put my drink in the middle of a table that’s 10 times bigger than my arms. Why the $%@# am I so smiley?!”
Sir Hole: *Slurp* "My head is very tiny.”
WAY TO SPOIL THE SEQUEL, DOUCHE BAG!
Author photo. See? I told you the schnoz was not yet prodigious. Also, I’d like to note that, amongst the interests listed in my bio for this book, it says “Sean collects spores, molds, and fungus.” Yup—even then, I was quoting Egon Spengler.
In what can only be an indictment of the quality of the public school system in Southwest Michigan, I was actually awarded a trip to a young author’s conference on the strength of this “book.” All of the people responsible for that decision are no longer gainfully employed.
The, ah, unique art notwithstanding, this story stuck with me, and from time to time I would think to myself, “Self, you should revisit Cheesecalibur at some point.” I’ve thought about various ways to tell the tale of these brave mice over the years and come to two conclusions: 1) I want to expand on this idea and tell an epic, fast-paced, serialized story with these characters that’s full of action, adventure, and humor, and 2) someone else REALLY needs to draw this.
And that, my friends, brings us to some news about upcoming projects: I’ve teamed up with my long-time hetero life mate Bret Bowman (who, not coincidentally, I met in second grade), whose artistic skills are approximately 8,345,012 times better than my own, to put the wheels in motion on a Cheesecalibur comic book. We’re still in the conceptual stage from an art standpoint, but the script for the first issue is in the can, and I hope that we’ll be able to share some of Bret’s character designs here on Goodreads within the next month or so, as well as providing some more information about the characters and story (and while I know this will disappoint some people, the erstwhile Sir Hole has since been rechristened Sir Swiss). So, keep your eyes peeled (metaphorically speaking, because I think it would really hurt if you actually peeled them, not to mention kept them that way).
In the meantime, Bret and I would love to hear from you—is this something you’d be into? If so, let us know here, or drop me a line at seangibsonauthor@gmail.com – we’d love to find a group of interested readers to share updates with as we work on producing the first issue.
Excelsior!
